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Layered Beauty

There is a wide range of areas that make up beauty. Just seeing one of these areas and not digging down further to see the other areas is called shallow for a reason.

Everyone puts different weighting on each area – and rightly so. We are all different and have our individual preferences. Thinking someone is shallow because they prioritise looks is stupid. Thinking someone isn’t shallow because they only see beauty in personality is naive.

I believe beauty is layered. You have to get past the looks before you move on… or do you? What about pen pals? Or the show “Love is Blind”. They don’t. But they do go back to looks as soon as they can.

We each have a bar, a standard that the potential match must meet before we are happy looking further. Although this changes constantly. Be it because we have seen a hint of the next layer and love it, or they are a friend’s recommendation, or alcohol. The same goes for when we raise our standard, such as when we hear they have been rude to someone we like. But we all have a baseline.

Once we’ve seen it meets that, we move to the next layer and go again – until we don’t peel back further because either we don’t have the depth of understanding (shallow) or we’ve completed it and we hope we have met their criteria as they have met ours.

There is another, actually – quite common, in fact. We hit a layer and understand they aren’t a match for us – or worse, they were rotten in the deeper layers. But at this point, we’ve come too far, and we hang around because we’re too cowardly to break it off.

Here’s what I believe the initial layers are:

Looks, personality, confidence, ambition, intelligence, understanding, etc.

The order of the layers change person to person – you, not them – based on your own values. But I do believe looks are always at the top. Everyone needs to meet this layer – normally before anything else. That is not to say your standard for this layer is high – it could be a low weighting, but it is still there.


I was daydreaming and not paying attention to my date. Maybe this was sign enough. Not caring enough to dig down the layers.

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